Wednesday, January 19, 2011


Today we would have celebrated momma's 69th birthday.  I wonder what she would look like, what she would act like, what she would dress like (lol) now.  I'm sure she would enjoy my girls and all her grandchildren.  I know she must be just having a grand time in heaven, but it feels like she missed out on so much here in MY life (yes, I sense the selfishness there:)) She missed my college graduation, wedding, married life, childbirth, child rearing...all the things you want a momma to be there for and answer your questions and tell you she's proud of you.  I know relationships aren't perfect, but it seems like you could trust a mom more than anyone when dealing with marriage or child rearing issues...that she would listen (not judge) and give sound advice.  Of course, I am just imagining this, I have no knowledge by experience. 

I won't experience having a relationship with my mom as an adult because twelve years ago last month, my momma died. I won't get to hear the answers to my questions about her life or mine (and I won't get the sometimes unwanted advice that some of you may deal with).  For some reason this year it hit me hard...I almost broke down when I went grocery shopping and saw the poinsettias.  That was the last thing I gave momma...I went to her apartment the week before she died and tried to cheer her up and decorate for Christmas with flowers.  This December, I disliked poinsettias and struggled to keep my joy all Christmas season.  Then, God reminded me that His plans are to prosper me and not to harm me, to give me hope and a future(Jeremiah 29:11) He reminded me of His promise in Psalm 126 that those who sow with tears will reap in songs of joy.  He showed me that He wants to satisfy me with His love that I may sing for joy and be glad all my days!!(Psalm 90:14-15)

So I got my joy back, but still wondered how God planned to meet my desire to have a momma.  Last year God walked me through the whole daddy thing...that He is my daddy since I don't have on on earth.  But when I brought this momma thing to Him, I was surprised at what he showed me.  When I complained about all things I wanted a momma for, He showed me that He meets all those needs! 

One of the things I wanted in a mom was the unconditional love-the always thinking of you kind of love...God showed me Isaiah 49:15-16  Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me.  Wow....He's even better than a momma!  He may not "call on the phone" to check on me several times a day like I would expect momma to do...but He is even closer than a phone call!

Another thing I desired in a momma relationship was comfort. As a momma to small girls I love that they can just crawl up in my lap and snuggle for comfort when they have a rough time...I wanted that comfort too!  God showed me Isaiah 66:10-13  As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you.  Wow!  Isn't God good!!

One of the things I 've wished I had in a mother is one to go to for advice and wisdom, someone who's been there, done that!  Proverbs 2:6 says For the LORD gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.  I want MOMMY wisdom in these areas:
M anage-how to manage my time

O bey-how to live out obedience to God's plan
M oney-how to be a good steward of God's provision
M arriage-how to enjoy life with my husband
Y oung'uns :)-how to raise children for God's glory
God brought to my mind James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.  Colossians 2:3 tells me that all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge are hidden in Christ.  Proverbs 9:10 tells us that The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding. So, again God has given immeasurably more than I could ask or imagine!! He has way more wisdom to offer than even the wisest momma out there!

I have always tried to be so independent....but I need others, especially without a momma.  I have searched for a person (or people) to fill the 'momma' desires I have- for wisdom, comfort, love...thinking they could all be filled by one person (or several) in the absence of my mother. What I am discovering is that God can meet all my needs and desires!  When I abide in Christ, he will fill all the needs of my heart.  Of course He is good and has also given me other believers to encourage me in this life(Hebrews 10:24-25).  Usually when I really need them, that's when I reject and push them away, but we're working on it (that's for another post:). He has blessed me with wonderful family, friends, mentors and spiritual mommas...and I know there will be more!  But I will remember that HE IS ALL I NEED!!!! 

No comments:

Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...